Crash

Is it better to crash and burn or never to crash at all? One would think it's a stupid question. Seriously, why would somebody wanna crash? But what if right before the crash, you were given what you were longing for? Would you still not go for it? I am not speaking in terms of life and death but more on the lines of analyzing the phrase so familiar to all of us. "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all". Do you think any different about my original question now? Would you crash for love?

This question has been on my mind for a while, and God knows I banged my wrist simulating a "crash" enough times to hurt myself. What do I think you may wonder. Well dear reader, knowing my nature, even though I can name a million reasons for being safe and sane, I am neither, and I know that even if I convince myself to not get in that horrible accident also known as a "broken heart", I will do it anyways just because love and anything that has to do with it is my drug of choice. I will fall and fall till I hit that ground. I will lay there hurting, with tears streaming down my face, burning me on the surface, burning from within. I will lay till I can peel myself up and then I will get up and walk again knowing that it is my destiny, and my destiny is to write beautiful words about my pain, to blog my heartache. I will walk having experienced what others only wish of. I will walk.

Tears

I always feel helpless when I see someone crying, especially a stranger. They are everywhere; walking down the street, standing on the corner, riding on the train. They are always women, never really seen a man cry in public, don't really want to. Sometimes there is someone there consoling her but most of the time she is alone, so lost in her own grief, so blinded by the tears.

I see the pain all over her face, her eyes speak volumes. She lost someone, was betrayed, disrespected, offended. She lives in this moment but she can't separate herself from the anguish of what's gotten her here, what triggered the tears rolling down her cheeks. The painful fire is in her eyes but it comes from deep within, all the way from her core, her soul. Her emotions are overpowering and she could care less if anyone is watching. She wants to drown in the pain and not exist right now. How could this happen to her? Why is the world so cruel?

I always wonder what it is that she is going through. I can't help her. I won't smile and try to look sympathetic. I will briefly glance out of the corner of my eye and look away, giving her privacy but my thoughts are on her, with her. I am mentally embracing her pain and selfishly thanking God that right now I am not her. One day it will be me and if you see me hurt and crying please don't stare, let me deal with my pain as it rolls over me, just let me be.