Something Real

Life is so ironic. Always want what we can't have. Like Alanis Morisette said:

"It's like meeting the man of my dreams, and then meeting his beautiful wife"

It happens so very rarely when 2 people click and they can just be themselves with one another without any insecurities and prejudices. Friendship is the foundation of happiness. Weather it's platonic or emotionally charged, establishing that friendship is the key to making a relationship last. Friendship is pure and selfless as should love be. Those who are lucky enough to find a friend in a person of an opposite sex have a chance for something real. There will be no games, just pure, honest love.

A Good Friend

What makes a good friend? What is the criteria we use to choose our circle of friends? And when does an acquaintance crosses into the friend zone?

I think we all choose our acquaintances based on our needs, primarily the need for companionship. Other unifying factors which play a role in people-choosing are common interests and character compatibility. I am using big words here but what I am trying to say is that in a friend we seek a person who can make us laugh, is not judgmental, and helpful when the times are rough. An acquaintance becomes a friend when they learn something about you that is not so pretty, and it doesn't make them turn away but instead it brings you closer together because the imperfections are what makes us and our relationships real.

A good friend is the one who will be there for you regardless of how much of a fool you made of yourself. A good friend will tell you when you are wrong but at times when you need someone to see things the way you see them, they will. A good friend will tell you it's ok even though you both know it's not, providing comfort even if only for a little while. A good friend will listen and let you cry your heart out. A good friend will go to the airport in the middle of the night in the pouring rain and pick you up when you have no other ride. A good friend will hold your head above the toilet when you are drunk. A good friend will support you when you find love, even if it's outside your marriage. A good friend will not tell your secrets even if they don't agree with keeping them. A good friend will not get mad when you choose to go on a date rather than going out with them. A good friend will tell you to shut the fuck up when you are running your mouth too much. A good friend will call you back even if you told them not to bother. A good friend will back off when you have had enough. A good friend will not hold grudges. A good friend will not get mad and there will be no reason to forgive.

We are all adults and friends are our biggest support system. Without my friends I wouldn't be me. So all my girls and all the fellas, you know who you are, this holiday season I am thankful for ya'll and I want to be to you what you are to me.

Stability

Everything is so temporary, even life itself will end when the time comes. We are all seeking stability, something to hold on to, something that is guaranteed to be around for years to come. A good job, a house; all of that is great but very materialistic and while it can provide financial security and comfort neither one will offer a shoulder to cry on. We are all looking for stability in relationships.

Friends

Friends are great, the ones who make us laugh, never judge and are selfless but to keep it real, good friends are hard to come by. Some are lucky to have had long term friendships; since childhood, high school, college. There is stability there but for me lots of friends have come and gone. With some I parted ways due to circumstances other friendships just reached their expiration date.

Marriage

"Till death do us part", well that seems long-term and screams stability but the reality is that most marriages end in divorce. Marriage is a contract based relationship and breaking that contract can be costly which forces some to stay together even when the love is gone.

Children

Some women are so desperate to have kids. The biological clock starts ticking loudly after 30 and they are ready to go the extreme. No man? Oh well, there is always the turkey baster. Is it the need to nurture? Maybe but mostly I think it's the need for stability. Having a child guarantees companionship for at least 18 years but most likely for the rest of your life.

Nothing is for certain and we must hold on to all the great relationships we have. These are the relationships that are selfless, the ones that make us grow and mature mutually. They will too come to an end but as long as we have that chance to live and love, we have to embrace it.

Connecting...

In today's world of email, im, skype, mobile phones and the all-merging twitter, communication becomes a defining factor in relationships. Being in a long-distance love affair doesn't seem so crucial anymore, all you have to do is log on and BOOM your sweetheart from the other side of the planet is in your living room. It's that easy! The problem is that we become dependent on that line of communication to fuel our relationships.

It's great to get home in the evening from a long day at the office, log on to your skype account, and chat with a friend for whom the day is just starting. Even better to share pictures, MP3s, video etc instantly. People are becoming connected not just electronically but emotionally. I think it's a false perception of closeness.

Our relationships become defined by IM statuses.

• online - I love you! I miss you! I want to talk to you!


• away - I don't want to be bothered! I am mad at you! I am testing you


• busy - I really am busy, if you take it personally that's your bad


• offline - I really don't give a damn! I don't want to talk to anyone!

We are happy when we see the stupid green icon and we get annoyed when it turns red. We make life-altering decisions based on an illusion. We are human. We need to touch, smell, talk while looking in your partner's eyes. It's nice when you write a post about your bad day and someone leaves a sympathetic comment, but it's nothing comparing to a simple hug.