The Breakup

Today I got broken-up with and not the usual kinda break-up way. It wasn't even a guy it was a girl who I, up until today, considered a good friend.

We weren't best friends, as a matter of fact when I first met her I didn't want to be friends with her at all, but over the course of last 6 months she grew on me. We went through a few hard and good times together and even though we are very different we found a common language.

She is simple and always positive, I on the other hand am very complicated and have a lot of bad days. She is not well spoken nor educated but a kind, good person and an even better mother. That is something that we shared - we are both single mothers of the same age. Our situations are very different but at the same time the amount and the significance of our differences drew us towards each other. Something just worked.

I can't say that I fully knew her, I understand now that I definitely didn't but her good heart made me overlook her ignorance. I accepted her just as she was and only expected the same in return. Up until today I had that.

I don't know what I did to make her break our friendship but it must have been significant or maybe I am just the kind of person who doesn't burn bridges. I always give people a chance to speak their side and most likely another chance.

We were fine yesterday, now that I replay everything that took place last night I guess I see some red flags but they are by no means enough to kill a friendship.

Here is what happened:

She started seeing some guy about 2 weeks ago. I know she really wants to have a boyfriend but I am almost inclined to think that the desire overpowers her common sense. I should have just stayed out of it but as a friend I warned her that certain aspects of this guy's personality (based on what she told me about him) were peculiar to me and went against my "dateable" standard. I didn't push my opinion, just warned her to be careful since she recently had a traumatic experience. We talked on the way home from work and everything seemed fine. She asked why I seem a little indifferent today and I explained that I am just in an i-don't-give-a-fuck kind of mood. When we got off the train we parted ways and made a plan to call each other later. I was very tired. When I got home I laid down and shortly was near sleep when something told me to check my e-mail. My inbox indicator told me that I have one message. Her and I belong to the same social network and what I saw in my e-mail is that the guy she is seeing sent me a message via that network. I found it a bit strange since I never seen nor talked to the guy but went ahead and read his words which simply greeted me and asked me how I was. I didn't reply, stepping on my friend's toes is never an option in my book, those guys are of no interest to me whatsoever - the quality of my character I wear with pride. I decided to send her an sms and tell her that her guy is messaging me, hey us girls should stick together, right? Well I am not sure what really happened after that.

Here is the chain of sms:

me: hey your guy is messaging me via ***
her: you should reply to him
me: ok I will tomorrow
her: are you busy?
me: a little, watching TV with my son
her: ok are you busy?
me: if I don't fall asleep I will call you later

I had no intent to call her, I was beat.
This morning she didn't call me as usual (we ride to work together). I thought that maybe she isn't going to work and sent her and sms which went unreplied. Sent a few more of those and left a couple of voice-mails - all went unanswered. I found it strange since this girl is a known bugaboo.

Here is the next set of sms:

me: are you ok? I am worried. Why are you not calling me?
her: don't worry. I just don't want to talk to you
me: what did I do to you?
her: nothing
me: why are you mad at me?
me: you owe me an explanation
me: I was nothing but a good friend to you
her: good friends don't do what you did. Friendship is over.
me: fine I won't write or call you anymore but just think that maybe you are making a mistake

Then I saw a notification that she deleted me of the friend list on the social network.

And just like that the friendship is over.

It's All About the Job

I am very angry. I keep my posts blurry but need to be clear that there is a warrior in me today. I am ready to click-clack my heels and go kick some ass. It's all work related so I have to fight with words and not fists.

I am amazed at how me not smiling can just put a negative shell all around me. I wasn't a bitch - I told it how it was, was cold and professional, like Meryl Streep in Devil Wears Prada. It really is all about the job but I refuse to get walked all over and not demand to be heard and respected.

It's all about the job.

I am probably not making much sense to you reader, but every time the tip of my finger hits the key the keyboard is rattling with my anger.

Ignorance

I hate ignorance. Ignorance can be spread like cancer through words, actions, just through people. So many people make judgment without any merit. It pisses me off when people start running their mouth about a country they've never been to, a person they've never met, a job they've never worked. Тhe lack of intelligence seeps out of their pores. Those are the kind of people I just eliminate from my life. There is no room for them in my already crowded existence.

Conflicts and Resolutions

I am a strong believer in conflict resolution, meaning there is no need to bitch, whine and complain, if there is a problem I will fix it and move on. Life is basically too short for negativity brought on by others.

There has been numerous conflicts where I played a starring role, nothing drastically major but just pretty much anything ranging from a silly fight with a friend to a brutal road rage. Every one of those conflicts I handled as best as I could. Sure, I pushed a chickenhead into a pool because she was trying to steal my boyfriend, and threw a cup of soda at an asshole who flipped me off and called me the "B" word, but not once did I call the police or snitched anyone out. Basically I don't start a fight unless I can finish it without involvement of authority.

I am a peaceful person and really like when everyone gets along but if a conflict arises regardless of fault don't go running to mommy telling on me, come to me like an adult and tell it to my face. If you can't do that, you are coward. Don't be a fucking coward.

Do I sound bitter? I don't mean to but I am angry. Right now I am at war and even though it feels so much better to rebuttal and sink down to my opponent's level, I am not going to do that because I have principles, yes I have integrity. I will be the bigger person and handle the situation like a real woman. I will try. Tomorrow. But for now I just feel like saying "biatch, you don't know who you are fucking with!"