Hitting 30 - A Birthday Post

So tomorrow is my 30th birthday which at first drastically depressed me. Normally I am not the kind of woman to get embarrassed by numbers; age, weight, height - it is what it is, who cares. This time around the age thing got me down just a little. I will no longer be in my 20s, I will now officially be a grown woman. Of course I have been a woman for a long time since that title is not really age but maturity based. One can be a total immature idiot at 30 and still act like a little girl, it is however more logical to refer to a younger girl in her 20s as a woman than a woman in her 30s as a girl.

I asked myself a question: what will the 30s bring?, which got me thinking as to what the 20s dropped off in my life. Actually that brought a smile to my lips. I accomplished a whole lot during the last decade.

So here it is, the accomplishments of the 20s era: when I was...
...20 I moved to San Francisco, started college, got pregnant.
...21 I had a baby, my wonderful little boy named AJ. I never stayed home after birth, kept going to school. I also became a U.S. citizen.
...22 I decided on my major and started going to school full time. 9/11 happened that year.
...23 I kept working my ass off at school.
...24 I won 3 awards for my design work. I graduated with a BFA in Computer Arts/New Media. I started my own business.
...25 I got my first REAL job where I still work!
...26 I advanced from being a web designer to department manager within first 2 months.
...27 I officially got promoted to Web Development Manager.
...28 I became involved deeply in the internet and it's webs. I fell in love. I embraced my Russian roots. I reunited with my childhood friends. I went back to Moscow for the first time in 10 years.
...29 I nursed my bleeding heart back to numbness just to realize that a few words from the one who broke it make it bleed all over again. I consolidated my credit cards and started to live on a strict budget. I got myself mentally ready for the 30s...did I?

If my 30s can even come close to matching my conquests of the 20s it will be fantastic. Here are some goals I have for the next 10 years:

1. Get out of debt!


2. Move to a home I would love to invite friends over to.


3. Refurnish and decorate my home.


4. Become a Creative Director!


5. Have an office with a door.


6. See my son graduate High School and go to college - OMG sob sob!!!


7. Find inner peace even if it doesn't include a man in my life.


8. Go on at least 1 vacation abroad every year (once I pay off my debt of course)


9. Have at least one more child, preferably 2.


10. Get married - not sure if this will happen

Moving and Moving On

I am a total mess today. There is so much going on in my life I am having a hard time processing it all. Ok I am gonna roll back and start where my last post left off...

So I got back from my trip and was licking my wounds. They are still healing but I have definitely moved on from the mishap of the New Year, basically shit happens and it was a lesson learned.

The problems that gloomed over me before never disappeared and became even more disturbing, so 2 days ago I found myself in a place I have never been before, I made a solid decision to get a fresh start. I am looking for a new place to move possibly. I don't know how it will all work out but it is sure worth a try. I feel that if I stay in my apartment my life will never change. I need to do something drastic to force myself to accept the direction my life needs to go in...which kind of brings me to the next point...

Yesterday I was talking to a guy-friend of mine on the late night, we were both not-sober so the topics of our conversations held no barriers. He told me about his romantic adventures, which put a little ping in my stomach even though I have no reason to get jealous, non at all except for the fact that he verbally resembles the kind of man I want to be with, but oh well, never was mine so no reason to be upset. Actually I respect him being real and telling me the truth, so many men do just the opposite...shit women do that too..ah we are all guilty of being liars for selfish reasons. Anyways after he confessed his part he asked me; "wassup with your personal life?" and my answer was "I don't have any". Sad as it may sound it is indeed true, and that is the reason I need to embark on a new journey. Need to be independent and embrace the freedom of my upcoming 30s.

To all my readers I apologize for not writing too often but I will try to improve that. Thanks for your support and keep me in your prayers.