The Man for Me

Human nature is so incredibly confusing, most of the time we can't explain our own behavior. For example - "why is grass always greener on the other side?". The truth is that once you get on that other side the green grass turns out to be too green, you get allergies from it and kinda start peeking through the hole in the fence and missing the yellowish grass on your old side.

Another example - "Why do we want something we can't have?" Or someone. I notice that in myself. I am addicted to taming the beast. I am always attracted to the 'wrong guy'. He is tall, handsome, devilishly sexy, financially set but he comes with more issues that a 30+ man is allowed to have. He is difficult, doesn't know what he wants, selfish and a player (most of the time). Shit! most of these guys are unavailable - physically and mentally. Some of them have scorned hearts and souls. I want to be the one to get through all that and see the man inside, the man he doesn't allow himself to be. Vulnerability in a man is the sexiest quality.

Why am I so attracted to the type? Well of course for the obvious good on paper (and in the mirror) qualities. (1)I like a man who can take care of himself and teach me a thing or two. I am an intelligent woman but I need a man who I can learn something from. (2)He needs to have the kind of body that can protect me in the streets and make me scream in the sheets (corny but true). (3)He must have a sense of humor, the kind that cracks me up. (4)He needs to be set in life. I don't need a rich man but I refuse to pay a man's bills. No no, made that mistake already before. (5)He must be sexy, it has to ooze from his pores. (4)And most important he needs to be mysterious and impossible to tame.

Lots of men tell me that I am exactly that, impossible to break through, a wild horse, after all I was born the year of the horse (1978). If a guy is see-through he bores me right away. I need to feel like I am different in his life from his other women and maybe even friends. I want to be his friend and confidant. I want something to tie us; mentally and emotionally, something deeper than sex. I want the sex to be lovemaking and not just a fuck.

The issues this type of a man has are overwhelming but I keep falling for him. I need a challenge and perhaps I will never find my match. I am very straight forward and some men are intimidated by that which right away puts them into not-my-type category. I never make the first move but once I see a green light I can definitely come on pretty strong. The man I want can handle that and even get the upper hand but the majority of others can't and don't. Most of those change their mind later but my pride won't let me go after them anymore and so the game starts because the attraction is still there. I hate playing games but my damned pride. What can I do? I am just that a wild horse looking for my cowboy.