Ignorance

I hate ignorance. Ignorance can be spread like cancer through words, actions, just through people. So many people make judgment without any merit. It pisses me off when people start running their mouth about a country they've never been to, a person they've never met, a job they've never worked. Тhe lack of intelligence seeps out of their pores. Those are the kind of people I just eliminate from my life. There is no room for them in my already crowded existence.

Obsessions

Very often I catch myself finding something to obsess about and obsessing over and over to the point of insanity. I think I do it out of boredom. Life can be so dull.

It can be a project, an idea, a person, an insecurity, just anything and I get so into it that I actually start imagining something that is not real. I think I end up causing myself pain in the long run from that.

I need to have better self-control. I told myself that so many times. It's better to just not give a damn about anything than force yourself to hallucinate.

Первый Русский Пост

Объясняю...

Я проживаю в Штатах с 1992 года. Как я сюда попала и детали последних 16 лет в этом посте обсуждать не буду, но скажу так: было время (93-06) когда я общалась исключительно с англо-говорящими людьми. Русское общение в моей жизни того времени было ограничено необходимостью поддерживания отношений с родителями, да необходимостью, но это другая тема.

Примерно год назад в моей жизни появился человек который открыл мне глаза на мои корни и с тех пор в моей жизни очень многое изменилось. Одновременно мои глаза увидели тупизм и бескультурье страны в которой я живу.

Друзья, мидия и общение в целом в моей сегодняшней жизни на 75% русское. Оставшиеся 25% составляют меньшую но не менее дорогую часть, я окружаю себя лучшим из двух миров.

Я Русская и горжусь этим.

За ранее прошу простить мои граматические ошибки, т.к. русская клавиатура тоже новый консепт в моей русско-американской жизни.

Slipping Away

My Grandma (the dearest person tome) has had a stroke and I feel like she is dying. I haven't seen her since it happened. Doctors say that after a stroke there is a huge chance for another one. I am scared she is slipping away. She raised me, she has to make it.

Moving and Moving On

I am a total mess today. There is so much going on in my life I am having a hard time processing it all. Ok I am gonna roll back and start where my last post left off...

So I got back from my trip and was licking my wounds. They are still healing but I have definitely moved on from the mishap of the New Year, basically shit happens and it was a lesson learned.

The problems that gloomed over me before never disappeared and became even more disturbing, so 2 days ago I found myself in a place I have never been before, I made a solid decision to get a fresh start. I am looking for a new place to move possibly. I don't know how it will all work out but it is sure worth a try. I feel that if I stay in my apartment my life will never change. I need to do something drastic to force myself to accept the direction my life needs to go in...which kind of brings me to the next point...

Yesterday I was talking to a guy-friend of mine on the late night, we were both not-sober so the topics of our conversations held no barriers. He told me about his romantic adventures, which put a little ping in my stomach even though I have no reason to get jealous, non at all except for the fact that he verbally resembles the kind of man I want to be with, but oh well, never was mine so no reason to be upset. Actually I respect him being real and telling me the truth, so many men do just the opposite...shit women do that too..ah we are all guilty of being liars for selfish reasons. Anyways after he confessed his part he asked me; "wassup with your personal life?" and my answer was "I don't have any". Sad as it may sound it is indeed true, and that is the reason I need to embark on a new journey. Need to be independent and embrace the freedom of my upcoming 30s.

To all my readers I apologize for not writing too often but I will try to improve that. Thanks for your support and keep me in your prayers.