I haven't posted in over a month. A lot has happened and it will take time to digest it all and move on.
For the last six months I had a new hope, something to keep me going, something to look forward to. I had so much invested into my trip, mostly emotionally and even though it was the right trip to take at the right time in my life, it turned out to be a "lesson learned".
Lessons
- If something(one) seems to good to be true, it is. I should have known this but yet mistake made again.
- Don't plan love, if love is in your path it will happen when you least expect it. Once you start planning it, it is already over before it begun, it wasn't meant to be.
- If the one you are attracted to says things to you that you are not ready to hear yet, it's a red flag. It might feel good but real emotions surface at the right time and you will know when that time is. You will know when the other person is sincere even if you don't feel the same because empty words are just that, empty. Some people get too infatuated too fast and it always ends abruptly and painfully.
- If something doesn't feel right, let it be a warning of more drama to come. If the one you like is difficult before you even had the chance to go through the "honeymoon" phase, there will most certainly be more of that the further you get into the relationship.
- This may sound really pessimistic but don't believe everything you are told, even if you really really really wanted to hear it. There should be something solid, a foundation that all promises are based on. I think I believe in love from the first sight but the lesson that I learned is that any non-casual intimate relationship that is worth pursuing should spin off a friendship.
- Let the other person get to know you and like you as a person before any signs of intimacy are exchanged.
- This might be a big blow to the online dating industry but relationships that start via monitor and an IM window don't work. I won't elaborate any further and some of you will perhaps argue with me but this is how I feel. I will not start any relationship (friendship or otherwise) online ever again.
I am a lost soul searching for my anchor. Every time I think I found something I can hang on to, something that feels real, I realize that it is only an illusion. I am not heart broken but I am hurt. Let all these lessons make me stronger, even though with all the strength I gain from painful experiences my heart turns more and more into ice.
Yet I still believe,
I still believe.
Where is all this coming from you may ask. I am not ready to discuss the painful details just yet but perhaps I will use bits and pieces of my pain as future topics that will make everyone think. I don't know to how many of you my words relate on a personal level but if there is at least one person who feels what I try so hard to bring out from my heart and onto the screen, I thank you.
