I am full of mixed emotions. It's very new for me to go through so many ups and downs back to back.
It all started in June. Someone came into my life, a ghost from the past with a hope for the future. So many new feelings stirred up inside of me, good and bad all mixed in one funnel cloud. At times I am filled with excitement and hope and with all that ecstasy comes fear. Mostly it's the fear of the unknown, fear of letting go of something stable even though it's the cause of my unhappiness. I haven't had hope for a very long time. Before June my life was very monotone, hate to admit it but I found certain comfort in that. When someone asked me what my plans were, I always had a solid answer, my life was very predictable. Nothing has physically changed yet but emotionally I am on a whole different level.
I am taking it a day at a time, doing my best to keep the negative feelings away, feelings such as boredom and hopelessness with occasional pings of jealousy. I want to be happy and I feel like I have a chance, it's a very slim chance but that's all I got and it is a whole lot more than what I had in my old predictable life. I am on a new page and I am gonna make the best of it if it kills me.
Friday, November 2, 2007
New Page in My Book
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2 comments:
We're kindred spirits, you and me.
I had a disastrous teen period. I mean dangerous and scary and emotional and all that. Had to leave my life and family and start new. I spent next decade fine-tuning my life to be a nice boring, dull, uneventful, predictable life.
Then I met my wife and that scared the hell out of me. I was so comfortable with my boring life. I loved it. But now i had to get rid of that and give up everything to her.
The past 4 years have been incredibly wonderful, scary, and heartbreaking. I guess i'd have to say that if i had to do over... meaning chose between my life the way it is now (even with the low moments and depression and suspicions and all) and my comfortable life back then... i wouldn't change a thing.
Someone once told me that life is like a "pendulum". It swings equally both ways. If there's something (or someone) that can enter your heart and give you an infinite amount of happiness, they also have the power to give you the same amount of pain and sadness. There's always a cost tagged on in life.
So take it one day at a time. And don't stop fighting for happiness.. because that's what it is... a fight. As you know, that 'romantic comedy' crap doesn't exist. So go into any situation with a fighting mentality..
You'll be happy. Just don't surrender or settle like most people.
Ya hear?
Peace, girl.
Good for people to know.
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