How it starts
Two people get in contact and find themselves interested in one another. In today's world this happens in a number of ways (below are the most common ones):
"to contact or not to contact"
Once one person has the other persons info (mobile, email etc) the first most obvious game is "to contact or not to contact". Since we are talking about two people who are attracted to one another, chances are the contact will happen to get the feel of a possible affair, relationship etc. There have been really strange cases when this didn't happen but that's another post ;)
"the business card"
One contacts the other and most commonly the first conversation is lengthy flirtatious, and amusing. They talk, laugh and build up an image of themselves for the other person. This is not the realistic persona, it's the made-up one that exaggerates the good qualities and hides the bad. We'll call this game "the business card". Topics that are discussed vary in theme (outlooks on life, career, family etc). Most of the things that are said are either bullshit or they are said cautiously with the hope of the other party understanding and relating. I think that this is a critical part of the new relationship because this is where the boundaries are drawn or erased and walls are built or broken.
"true or false"
They've been talking for a week or two and the relationship is moving along. They email, talk on the phone, and if the relationship is not long-distance go on dates. Instead of them getting to know each other, they are really playing the game of "true or false" and here is where each one analyzes the "business card" persona and decides just how much of it is fake. This can last weeks or even a couple of months (depending on frequency). After finding out the negatives hidden behind the "business card" they each make a decision if the other person is worth their time and if they choose to continue the relationship they have to accept the other's flaws. That can be difficult.
"1 out of 2"
A couple of months have gone by and they are seeing the actual person underneath the "business card" and the attraction. This is a critical part to a relationship because it can get boring and grow cold. A number of games are played during this time but we will unite them under one title "1 out of 2". They are not single anymore, each is a half and if the relationship is working they come together and become stronger, happier, productive. If you are blessed with that kind of a relationship it could very well lead to real love and marriage. Let's face it, usually this is not the goo-goo gaa-gaa as I was making it sound, usually here things get rocky. This happens mostly because the initial lust have subsided and they are both wanting to bring it back so they start to play:
I can go on with the list but I will end this post here. I don't want to sound like a pessimist but I write from experience. This sort of a relationship (if you can even call it that) has happened to me a number of times and after dissecting the circumstances of its ending, I realized that each one had a different reason for falling apart. Maybe I am unlucky in love, maybe it's my purpose to experience heartache and share it with my readers but I do know that I deserve to be loved and I am hoping that one day I will meet a man who will be honest and melt the ice that has covered my heart by warming it with love, understanding, sympathy and tenderness. The man who will accept me for who I am and there will be no need for games.
Two people get in contact and find themselves interested in one another. In today's world this happens in a number of ways (below are the most common ones):
- random meeting in person
- coworkers taking it outside the office
- friends who take it one step further
- finding an old classmate / friend / love interest online (i.e. myspace)
"to contact or not to contact"
Once one person has the other persons info (mobile, email etc) the first most obvious game is "to contact or not to contact". Since we are talking about two people who are attracted to one another, chances are the contact will happen to get the feel of a possible affair, relationship etc. There have been really strange cases when this didn't happen but that's another post ;)
"the business card"
One contacts the other and most commonly the first conversation is lengthy flirtatious, and amusing. They talk, laugh and build up an image of themselves for the other person. This is not the realistic persona, it's the made-up one that exaggerates the good qualities and hides the bad. We'll call this game "the business card". Topics that are discussed vary in theme (outlooks on life, career, family etc). Most of the things that are said are either bullshit or they are said cautiously with the hope of the other party understanding and relating. I think that this is a critical part of the new relationship because this is where the boundaries are drawn or erased and walls are built or broken.
"true or false"
They've been talking for a week or two and the relationship is moving along. They email, talk on the phone, and if the relationship is not long-distance go on dates. Instead of them getting to know each other, they are really playing the game of "true or false" and here is where each one analyzes the "business card" persona and decides just how much of it is fake. This can last weeks or even a couple of months (depending on frequency). After finding out the negatives hidden behind the "business card" they each make a decision if the other person is worth their time and if they choose to continue the relationship they have to accept the other's flaws. That can be difficult.
"1 out of 2"
A couple of months have gone by and they are seeing the actual person underneath the "business card" and the attraction. This is a critical part to a relationship because it can get boring and grow cold. A number of games are played during this time but we will unite them under one title "1 out of 2". They are not single anymore, each is a half and if the relationship is working they come together and become stronger, happier, productive. If you are blessed with that kind of a relationship it could very well lead to real love and marriage. Let's face it, usually this is not the goo-goo gaa-gaa as I was making it sound, usually here things get rocky. This happens mostly because the initial lust have subsided and they are both wanting to bring it back so they start to play:
- ones calls don't get answered, or there is too much time in between
- the IM status gets set to "away" or "busy" just to make the other person wonder "wtf?"
- accusations of cheating thrown in each others face just to see how the other reacts
- already asked questions get asked again for reassurance stirring up frustrations
- mood changes, they are all of sudden not that happy to see each other and those negative traits that they each have accepted in "true or false" and previously hidden by the "business card" are now the source of irritation
I can go on with the list but I will end this post here. I don't want to sound like a pessimist but I write from experience. This sort of a relationship (if you can even call it that) has happened to me a number of times and after dissecting the circumstances of its ending, I realized that each one had a different reason for falling apart. Maybe I am unlucky in love, maybe it's my purpose to experience heartache and share it with my readers but I do know that I deserve to be loved and I am hoping that one day I will meet a man who will be honest and melt the ice that has covered my heart by warming it with love, understanding, sympathy and tenderness. The man who will accept me for who I am and there will be no need for games.
1 comment:
Amen
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